Okay, so here’s your chance to play armchair newspaper editor and make up a caption for this photo of me posing with a beautiful Sacramento River rock that I took on hook and line last week.
Use the comments section below…
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Humor
Yep, that qualifies!
Bitter Milt Face (By “no snagn here “)
I overheard a guy say he caught a big Salmon and took it home and ate it from head to tail! Then he proceeded to say how good it was and how he even ate the lungs. His buddy said “you ate the lungs???” And he said: “Yea, those two big white things in the salmon’s stomach…I fried them up in the morning and ate them with eggs!” Then, with a huge grin on his face he said “Those aren’t lungs those are Salmon SPERM sac’s..!!” Just before he gave about 10 other fishermen a good half hour worth of giggles..he made the funniest face ever.. A combination of I think I just crapped myself + Bitter Beer Face = Bitter Milt Face.
What friends are for (By Kevin P.)
I was 16 years old and had just outfitted a 14-foot aluminum flat-bottom for the river. I spent every last penny I had made on it. First trip out to the Feather River…everything was going great. The boat was dialed in and I was pumped up! We were trolling with the bow-mount electric and I hooked into a king. I asked my buddy to fire up the big motor and get us away from the bank and the snags. So he starts the motor up puts it into gear (not reverse) turns right instead of left, gave it more gas when I said to stop. Hit a log with the prop and bent it to hell, broke the brand new trolling motor when we hit the bank & I lost the fish in the snag. While we were floating back to the boat ramp, I noticed he broke the rod I let him use while everything else was going on. He never offered to help me fix anything or help me pay for or replace anything. I never took him fishing again and we are still good buddies…just not fishing buddies.
Is it still “whitewater” if you can’t see it?(By Ray Fairfax)
A friend and I decided to float “the canyon” section Trinity river between
Douglas City and Junction City. The steelies were biting. A bit too well it seems, as nightfall hit while we were still 2 or so miles upstream from the Sky Ranch takeout. I can say with certainty that drifting a couple of miles down the Trinity by moonlight in a fiberglass driftboat is not something anyone should try. After negotiating the difficult canyon without contacting even one rock, those last couple of easy (in daylight) miles had me busy doing chine repairs for a few days. I know we don’t get extra points for spinelessness, but it was spine jarring!
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The Wunder Boner works great!
So, here we go with a new one-time mini contest…the…uh…well…”‘Wunder Boner of the Year” award in which we celebrate the largest bone-headed move, goofy plan or wussy maneuver in fishing. Feel free to nominate yourself or a buddy who’s ever committed a “wunder boner” on a fishing mission…
You know, like the time our pal Rancid had to bail on a fishing trip when he bent over and put a rod ferrel through his face. Or the time that buddy slammed your favorite GLoomis in the trunk…or that time you were on a drift boat trip and you got to the takeout and your pal says he left the keys to the shuttle vehicle back with the truck, which is now 8 miles upriver. Bonus points for a spinless wunder boner, like the time your pal bailed on the weekend fishing trip at the last second because his girlfriend called…you get the idea.
Send us a little note describing the gaffe and, if you have photographic evidence, so much the better! Best stories get the best little fish cleaning device ever invented: The Spinless Wunder Boner fish bone removal tool!
For details on just how handy the Wunder Boner is, check out the greatest TV Commercial of all time. “The Wunder Boner, my wife would like that…”
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There's still time to get your tix!!
Okay, so I freely admit that this has absolutely nothing to do with fishing, but when I stumbled upon this poster today (in South Lake Tahoe for the record), I knew I had to share it with ya’ll! Plus, how often do you get the chance to use the words “Fishing” and “Extreme Midget Wrestling” in the same sentence?
As the Russian comedian Yakov Smirnoff used to say: “What a country!”
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Hey baby, lemme touch your caudal fin!
Okay, so former Poison front man Bret Michaels may not leave behind a legacy of critically acclaimed music…after all, he brought us lyrical masterpieces like “I went to bed too late and got up too soon; My poor head still spinnin’ from too much booze…” (from the song Look what the Cat Dragged in) and “Ooh what’s got you so jumpy? And why can’t you sit still, yeah? Like gasoline you wanna pump me; Oh then leave me when you get your fill, yeah!” (from Unskinny Bop) but there’s no denying that the guy knows how to have some serious fun!
Apparently, that all began at a young age. In the current issue of US Weekly Magazine, Michaels admits to having lost his virginity at a…fish hatchery! Now, there are just so many ways I can go here…but I think I’ll just shut up and let you guys do the talking. I’m sure ya’ll may have something to say about this one, eh?
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Have you seen this man??
This one’s dedicated to trusty sidekick Reilly, who I once threw under the bus in a Western Outdoors Magazine article about poaching on the Skagit River. While it wasn’t my fault, the editors threw a pic of Reilly holding a king (which was supposed to be in another article) next to poacher bit, making him look very guilty.
Well, the Los Angeles Times did it to me. Years back, I took one of their photographers out to go steelhead fishing on the American River…and I guess when they needed a file photo to go with this poaching article, they pulled my pic outta the vault. So, here I am, the transient poacher of SLO Creek!
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Okay, so I’m driving down the freeway the other day and I come up behind what looks like a boat driving itself down the road. Curious, I pull my oversized truck up next to vessel only to find that it’s actually being dragged by the world’s smallest tow vehicle…As you can clearly see, the 5HP (yes, that’s five) outboard is actually higher than the roof of the car. Isn’t there a Man Card violation in there somwhere??
Well, at least he's getting good milage!
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